It’s not fair.
Why do the good people suffer while the people who mentally, emotionally, sexually and physically abuse others get away scott free?
Why do people who fight with all they have, feel such pain and anguish?
Life is not fair. I know we hear that and say it all the time, but tonight it weighs heavily on my mind, and my heart.
Tonight I lost a friend to cancer.
Tonight I lost someone who treated me like I was worth so much, to cancer.
Tonight I lost a friend whom my daughter looked up to and absolutely adored.
I know we all eventually pass on, but you always think of it as something that happens when you’re older, not at the prime of your life. You think, this wont happen to me, or this wont happen to anyone I know. Nothing like this will happen a month before your 25th wedding anniversary. This doesn’t happen to people who have a heart of gold.
I feel like shit because I didn’t go see her one last time, last night, when her husband said we could. I was being selfish. I didn’t want to feel pain when I saw her. I didn’t want her to not remember me and be confused when she saw me. I wanted my memories of her to be happy ones. Plain and simple, I was thinking of myself, as usual, not anyone else. Now I regret it. I knew I would. It was on my mind all night last night too….
I thought about her often. We only talked a few times since I had moved on to another job. She was always there when I would shoot a quick hello text.
All evening, since I found out, I’ve been sitting at work, tears randomly running down my face while I remember all the good times and the laughs we had when it was just her and I at work. I wasnt treated very nicely by people at work, but she always stuck up for me and told me to not give up, just ignore them! The people who were not so nice to me, she was also friends with. She saw the good in everyone. She was so giving. She was so strong.
She fought this cancer and was so positive, all the while making sure everyone else was good. She put everyone before herself and that’s how you know someone is a genuinely good person.
I remember when she had surgery. She had to have her second craniotomy surgery 3 months after I started my position. I was so worried about her, yet a week later she was in the office saying hi, rocking half of her head shaved. She couldn’t wait to get back to work.
Her spunk and great nature was contagious. It was impossible to not like her or think badly about her. She was an amazing person!
I think out of anything, she should want someone to learn from her story. Don’t go out in the sun without SPF on. Don’t go fake bake. If you want some color, rub it on out of a tube. There is not one time I think about her when I’m outside in the sun. I apply sunscreen to my children more than needed. I tell everyone I know, that they need to use sunscreen or not fake bake. Its so bad for you. I don’t want anyone to have to go through what my friend went through. I don’t want anyone to have to feel all of the emotions that her husband, family and friends felt. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, and I don’t think she would either.
The hardest part of this, was telling my baby girl that someone she adored and called a friend had passed away. No mother wants to break their babies heart. No mother wants to see their child sad and know that all you can do is just hold and hug them while you both cry.
Melanoma can kiss my ass!
I love you Autumn. I will never forget you. I will never forget what you did for me as well as Lilly. I’m being selfish by saying I wish you were still here but I’m so glad you’re out of pain now. Go raise hell up in heaven!
Rest in paradise my friend…. until we meet again…